Okay, I have a question for you ladies out there. You remember the best friend saga. Well, it's been bothering me for quite some time and I want to put it behind me. I'm just not sure if it's selfish on my part to contact her and officially say goodbye, but I'm seriously considering it.
If I do, I plan on sending her a letter (see below), congratulatory baby card, a small baby gift and call it done.
When you said “I need to surround myself with real happiness right now” I didn’t think you would just drop a long time friend. I’m not sure the real reason, but I have a few theories...
Perhaps you feel embarrased about what happened and don’t know how to talk to me?
Perhaps you are angry that I couldn’t completely ignore my own feelings of “desperation” as you call them and pretend that your poorly delivered news was the best day ever?
Perhaps you just don’t want my infertility to taint your pregnancy and you don’t want to have to consider someone else’s feelings?
Whichever it is, all though I am curious, it’s more or less destroyed what friendship we had. I don’t really get why you would feel the need to go this route, I made it clear that I am happy for you and J and that I wasn’t asking for this dramatic severing of a friendship. I just wanted some consideration during a difficult time in my life, just as you deserve support (even if it couldn't always be from me) during an exciting time in yours. But hey, whatever.
For what it’s worth, I’m trying to forgive you for what happened and let this all go so that I can move forward without too much emotional baggage. I hope you can do the same and that you J and the baby have a happy and healthy life together.
Since it appears that we won’t be getting together any time soon and I never got your new address, I figured dropping this off with J at work would be the best way to close this chapter. So here's the dish and fingernail polish you left at my house as well as the book I borrowed.
Good luck and best wishes!
Your old friend,
P.S. Not that you care, but it’s bothered me how you viewed my “time spent reading blogs and researching” as a negative. Thank God *I* blog and have the support of people who ‘get it’ in place to deal with situations like this! Maybe now that you are expecting you might see how valuable it is to do a little research and have friends who understand exactly what you’re going through?! Just saying.
So, what do you think? Selfish and obnoxious, or honest and deserved? I am still clearly hurt and angry, but maybe it's not right to share that with her? I would really like to have this behind me before starting IVF 2 next month and I think this *might* be the best way.
Because I would be dropping this off with her husband, I'd have him read the letter and make the call about giving it to her. I honestly don't want to upset her in anyway that would affect her health.
Sorry to bring this up time and again, but it's really been a difficult situation for me to resolve. I feel so much guilt for being the sucky infertile friend, but also so much anger that K wasn't able to handle this in a more mature manner.
Thanks for playing along. :)