Monday, March 2, 2009

Simplified Goodbye

Thanks for listening to me rant about that mess. It's amazing what posting here does to give some perspective. Of course it's even more amazing to get feedback, something that is very appreciated in situations like this. You have helped me more than you know.

Taking into consideration your comments, I re-wrote my letter to K. I took out all of the accusatory, angry bitchiness (it felt so good to write all of that down!) and simplified it to a simple goodbye.

K,

I hope this letter finds you, J and the baby well.


The sudden ending of our friendship was an outcome I never could have imagined, but I hope it has allowed you to find the true happiness and support you needed. I want to let you know that I hope you find peace with the situation if you haven’t already.

I wish you, J and the baby a wonderful and happy life together.

Goodbye.


-Stephanie

But in all honesty, I'm not sure I need to send it after all. I might, just because I do want to return a few of her items that are in my possesion. So, do you think this letter is the better way to go?


BTW, I've been blogging a year now! Woohoo.

I can't believe it's March already!!! Just a few more weeks to go.

5 comments:

Soapchick said...

Hi Stepanie - sorry I missed your post yesterday. I accidentally cleared my google reader before I had read through my list! I do think that the revised note is much better and leaves things in a positive light. I do agree with Mrs. X that your friend will never get it - at least not until she goes through her own shit someday in her life - and she will - we all do. It won't be infertility, but it will be something. In the meantime, move on, hold your head high and know that we are all here for you!

Barb said...

HAPPY BLOGOVERSARY! And look at your hot new profile photo! WOO WOO!

I would put sincerely or thanks instead of goodbye in there, but that's just me. Great letter!! I can't believe she can't see past herself to understand you or be kind. It's obvious that you just want to do the right thing. Stupid people.
xoxo

Pepper said...

I like it! Sometimes just putting everything down on paper is cathartic and it sounds like that was the case for you. Awesome.
:-)

Send it if you want to close the door. Keep it if you want the door to remain open.

And I agree: the friend will never get it. The loss is hers.

P.S. Happy Blogoversary! Hope you have a great day.

Stephanie said...

Stephanie, I can't believe how much we're alike. First off, I found your blog from another IVF bloggers site and I, too, am Stephanie, and I, too, am in the middle of my first IVF cycle. Wait, I guess I could be closer to the end, I guess. I am now in the 2ww with my PIO shots, estrogen patches and some prenatals.

I, too, have gone through a similar circumstance, however it hasn't been that severe, in most cases, I've had a few instances where this has happened.

First was my SIL who got pregnant without trying and we had tried for 2.5 years. The news was heartbreaking and my excitement wasn't where it should have been but she was very sensitive to my circumstance and gave me the time to recoop. I now have a GORGEOUS almost 2 year old nephew and couldn't be happier for them.

Second instance was with a friend who KNEW we were trying that hard and she had a 2 month old baby. She loved her but was very apt to throwing her at us to take care of her. It was hard especially when we moved away as we love that little girl so much, but thankfully after a long break we've become close friends again and we keep in close contact.

The third instance was with a girl (she's a few years younger than me - and I am younger) and she moved in with us when she was 12 weeks pregnant. She constantly slept around with multiple guys and really could have cared less about her pregnancy or her baby. It was a constant slap in the face and after finall telling her she had to move, and after another good long break, we're friends again.

I guess what I am trying to say is sometimes with infertility, we can be a bit overemotional and expect everyone to understand. People without infertility do not and cannot understand what it is like to long for a baby for so long, only to have it pass you by each and every month.

What I am trying to say is... give it some time. You're still hurt and wounded and when we are, we may say some things that we do not mean or may seem petty when things have moved on. However they may be real and legit to you.

With your friend she doesn't know what it's like to be infertile, to have the struggles thatyou've been through and while it was HORRIBLY rude of her to do it the way she did, she may have not realized how hurtful it was toward you and for fertile people, they may never understand.

Sometimes you litterally have to put things like this behind you and move on and ignore them. I know, personally, how hurtful they can make you feel, but if she honestly rubbed it in your face a few times that you can't have kids, then the friendship would be over. Otheriwse I'd write her a long letter telling her how it hurt your feeligns because you've tried so hard and can't have kids but how you understand that in her situation she wouldn't understand and you can't expect that from her. I'd also say something along the lines of appologizing for not being sensitive to her situation but when you've tried for so long to have something thatshe has and doesn't want, it can turn some raw emotions. If the friendship is supposed to last, it will. If it isn't, it won't.

Mrs.X said...

Happy blogoversary!

I totally understand the need to put something down just for catharsis sake. Half the time, just the act of writing it down is enough to get it out of the system.

I really like your new version. Very simple, classy and leaves her no ammo. As for sending it, that's really up to you. If you think that this break is really what is required, then a clean one is the best.

Good luck!Happy blogoversary!

I totally understand the need to put something down just for catharsis sake. Half the time, just the act of writing it down is enough to get it out of the system.

I really like your new version. Very simple, classy and leaves her no ammo. As for sending it, that's really up to you. If you think that this break is really what is required, then a clean one is the best.

Good luck!