BF wrote me back last night. She apologized for not realizing how difficult this is for me, but ended the e-mail with this:
You don't have to worry about me telling you details of this pregnancy. I promise not a word. I need to surround myself with real happiness right now to help me get through this scary transition and very apprehensive first stages. I'm sorry things didn't work out the way we would have liked them to...
I don’t know how to respond, I’ve already explained that I’m both happy and sad. Happy for them but sad for us. I think I made it clear that it was the way the news was delivered that was hurtful, and that with time, I will be a lot happier. Is it just me or does it sound like she’s writing me off because I’m not 100% over the moon? I hope I’m not misinterpreting her meaning, but I’m very confused.
Was my struggle and desire not clear enough all these years? Did I not convey the depth of my IF pain? Did she not witness my sadness with my SIL’s third pregnancy? I don’t know why she would expect so much from me so fast.
I’m tempted to explain it all to her again, but I don’t want to beat a dead horse. I’m also tempted to give her this helpful bit of reading, but I’m not sure how it will be received. Maybe I should just send her a card in the mail and let some time pass.
Honestly, I don’t even know how much support I should offer at this point. Should I insist on being included or is that just asking for trouble considering she doesn’t get where I’m coming from. Should I just walk away and let her decide? Obviously I might not have a choice, but how do I approach this?
Thank you so much for listening to my whining and drama.
P.S. I'm really doing okay, just a little sad about all of this. M has been so supportive. :)