Disappointed but Okay

Thank you all for your sweet thoughts.

I'm still disappointed, but I realize that it was a semi-experimental (for me) mini-stim so I’m trying to keep it in perspective. I still have hope that the big IVF can work for me.

Also, this is lame, but I’ve found a silver lining to this failure. If all had gone perfectly, my due date would’ve been Dec. 24th (yes, I’m guilty of playing with the due date calculators). I know many people wouldn’t care, but I think having a Christmas birthday would be awful. So I made a plan in the event that this scenario unfolded. I would throw a half birthday party in June, but now I don’t have to worry about it. Told you it was lame.

Right now, the hardest part is shifting gears, going from daily injections on a schedule with regular office visits to absolutely nothing, nada, zilch. Since I declined to do another IUI we’ve been left to our own devices for the rest of the month.

I’m ready to move forward, but I don’t know what comes next. The IVF nurse just called this morning and scheduled a post IVF consult for April 10th. I’m guessing it will also work as another final IVF consult. At least it’s only 9 days away, I can handle that.

In case you’re wondering if I’m upset with Dr. B for suggesting that I go for the mini-stim first, I’m not really. He explained all of our options and let us chose. We carefully weighed the pros and cons and *I* made the final decision. Objectively, I don’t see this much differently than trying injectibles with IUI before moving on to IVF. It was just one more option before pulling out the big guns.

Not to mention that I’m probably a difficult patient to treat in the sense that there isn’t much to treat. I do have mild endo (and there isn’t really a fix for that) but statistically it shouldn’t keep me from getting pregnant in the long run. Ha Ha Ha! But seriously, I have regular cycles, I always seem to ovulate, my lining is always good, I’ve had good responses to the oral drugs, I’m not over weight (but I’d love to lose 10lbs), and my hormones have been normal until the recent FSH spike. With all of these positives on my side I’ve never once gotten pregnant. I don’t know what he could do that he hasn’t already or isn’t going to.

In case I’ve given the wrong impression, I’m still scared that it’s too late. I can’t help but worry that my body is closing the baby making factory early and no amount of drugs will help.