Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Assvice Needed

I’m facing a small dilemma and could use some outside perspective.

M works with two nice women who’ve needed the help of an RE to become pregnant. Both started out with my Dr. B, but later changed to the other Dr. in town, Dr. T. When they changed RE’s they eventually got pregnant. One woman did IVF with success (twice) and the other did an IUI with success.

M is now urging me to switch to Dr. T. I understand the allure of switching, he is constantly being reminded of the success his coworkers have had (one is currently pregnant and the other just gave birth) and he wants the same for me. While I’m pleased for them, I don’t know that switching is going to help me. I think it’s more of “the grass is greener” situation.

To be fair to M, I’ve been to see Dr. T for a second opinion in the past year, mostly because M’s co-workers were singing his praises. Dr. T has many devoted patients, but overall I was not impressed with his approach, he bashed my Femara/IUI protocol and seemed to be in favor of aggressively using injectibles with IUI (not something I’m interested in). M kindly let me make the decision to stay with Dr. B without too much difficulty.

Just to let you know, both Drs. are very experienced, have great credentials and both have won numerous awards. Both work at respected practices in Orlando, so there's not much difference.

Personally, I would like to continue seeing Dr. B. I’m most comfortable with him and his staff, I like the location of his office and really don’t want to change horses mid stream. I’ve conveyed all of this to M, but he is still interested in switching. As he put it, he only cares about results.

I’m getting frustrated with him and his coworkers, I appreciate that they’re there for him, but he’s regularly coming home with pieces of assvice. I have to bite my tongue and explain that I don’t have the same problems as these women so their treatment won’t necessarily work for me!

I’ve researched the hell out of IF in general, so there’s not a whole lot I don’t already understand. When I express my frustration about this, he gets upset because “they’re just trying to help”. Gahhh! He came home last night with a flyer given to him for a meeting Dr. T is speaking at, just in case we wanted to attend. I didn't know what to say.

What I’d really like to do is call up his coworkers and kindly ask them to stop pushing Dr. T down our throats and stop giving M the impression that we aren’t doing this right. It’s hard enough to have to go through this without being told we’re doing it wrong. Of course they have their babies and we have nothing, so I guess they're going to win this argument everytime.

What do I do? Should I just cave and see the Dr. I don’t like to make everyone else happy?

10 comments:

soapchick said...

Stephanie - you need to go where you are most comfortable. I was only concerned because in one of your posts you were describing Dr. B as if he had forgotten you were doing to do the big IVF when he started talking about the mini stim.

Also I get these emails from The American Infertility Association and they are having a chat tonight on Elevated FSH at 8pm. I can email you the information if you want it.

soapchick said...

Oh and another thing. Is your husband going with you to the next Dr. B appt? Hopefully he is. If so he can ask his questions and talk about any concerns he has.

Stephanie said...

Soapchick- Thanks for responding. I wasn't directing that post towards fellow bloggers to be sure. I appreciate your concerns! And it's true that he forgot what my protocol was, which means he didn't bother to read my chart before starting the consult. Not cool, but I'm afraid he's not the only Dr. I've ever seen guilty of that oversight.

I'm interested on learning more about the FSH, please e-mail me the info. if you don't mind.

Yes, M is going with me to the next appt, he has attended all of the major ones, just not the frequent b/w and scans. He's asked all his questions, he just wants results now I guess. Maybe he's just more impatient than me! Ha ha

soapchick said...

Sure send me your email address. Mine is soapchick@comcast.net

Barb said...

Soapchick - I have had both doctors (T&B) and T was actually almost worse than B with me with forgetting what my protocol once. He even forgot he'd seen me before on many occasions. Um.. hello? Check the charts?

Stephanie - You know my call on this. I do think Dr. T may be better for certain people and certain conditions, but I don't think he's as aggressive (usually) or as well read as Dr. B. He doesn't seem as on top of the newest research and info on any IF. Dr. T missed my thyroid problem which is turning out to be my MAIN problem when Dr. B wanted to treat it right away. Dr. B is more genuinely kind whereas Dr. T is an arrogant, fake kind.

You can tell M that he is hearing from these people b/c they were SUCCESS stories, but that there are PLENTY of people upset with Dr. T or who haven't had good results with him. There's a doctor ratings website somewhere that says some of this stuff. Maybe you can ask M to get info from people who haven't had success with T too so he can balance?

And I say, if you know these people who are talking to M reasonably well, that it's perfectly ok to ask them politely to stop pushing. They don't know Dr. B so they aren't giving M the full picture. I would just be aware that they may let on that you said something and M might be angry.

Feel free to show M the email I sent you about Dr. T or to have me send you another email like you've asked me what I think about him. Maybe then he can get a balanced picture.

The main thing is that you are BOTH very satisfied and happy about where you are. I can't imagine anyone better than DearNurse to go through a cycle with. I never got more personalized attention than with her.

GOOD LUCK and tell me anything else I can do to help. I don't hate Dr. T, but I do think there are definite minuses to his practice that M is missing. Hey may be fabulous at IVF though as I haven't done that with him....

Barb said...

P.S. There is me and 2 others I know in the area who prefer our place and didn't have success with Dr. T. Let me know if you want info from any of them.

Barb said...

One more! Unsung Lullabies addresses this very problem (grass is greener thing) very well.

Stephanie said...

Thanks Barb for reminding me of your experiences with Dr. T. I will definitely share with M your point of view.

I don't know M's coworkers very well at all, I've only met them a few times (It's a fairly new job for M) so telling them to back off is more fantasy than reality.

I'll have to check out the ratings thing you mentioned and Unsung Lullabies as well. Thanks again for everything!

Ms Heathen said...

As you say, every case is unique - what works for one woman will not necessarily work for all women. Barb has already offered some very specific advice on the merits of Dr B as opposed to Dr T, which hopefully will help to convince M that the grass isn't necessarily always greener on the other side.

The main thing is that you find a doctor that YOU have confidence in.

Kim said...

I decided to once seek a second opinion too. I had seven failed iui's and was thinking about IVF but would have to pay for it. I got pressured form a few 'friends' that loved the other dr. I didn't like the new doc at all. The office was too clinical and too big. I loved my re with the two other partners and their warm and inviting office. The nurses knew me by name and comforted me. The new doc bashed my re too and I didn't think that it was very professional. I am still glad I went. It made me appreciate my re more and I knew where I needed to be. After the meeting I did tell my re and he said to remember that data can lie. Some re's will refuse really difficult patients to pad their stats. I chose to stay with the personality I liked and never once regretted it. I did eventually get pg on my third IVF. And my re hugged me an cried tears of joy along with me - and that was priceless and would have never happened if I had changed.