I've contacted some adoption agencies online and talked to a nice woman over the phone. I've learned a little more about international adoption, but I'm not sure that it's made things clearer.
It seems that adoption is very fluid, its rules are constantly changing. A country that was once easy to adopt from suddenly becomes rigid, and vice versa. Also, some countries allow future parents to choose their child at the orphanage and others only allow parents to accept or decline based on their recommendations.
I'm interested in adopting siblings, although that might make me certifiable. We already know that we want two children if possible, so why go through this process twice if we can avoid it? I think it's sorta like wanting IVF twins.
Not that I've pondered this deeply, but I think it might be nice if at least our children are genetically related to one another. I imagine it would give them some since of security growing up together.
Now for the depressing news…
From the information I've received so far, it would be somewhere in the neighborhood of $1500 for a home study. $23,500 for a single adoption and an additional $13,500 for a sibling. Keep in mind that this does not include the cost for the required two trips abroad, food, lodging, or translators! I haven't actually figured out the cost for that but I estimate another $10,000.
The grand total for adopting abroad is...drum roll please...$48,500! I think I'm feeling a little ill now. It's true there is a $10,000 tax credit (not sure how that actually works) per child (I think), so that would eventually knock off $20,000, not bad. But if I understand correctly that only happens after the adoption is final, so we would still need to come up with the original sum.
M and I have lots to discuss this weekend -I hope! I know he still really wants to give IVF a shot and the $15,000 that would cost is starting to look reasonable next to the adoption total! I hate that either way we go, we basically have to "buy" a child. I know that sounds terrible, but fertile couples are certainly not shelling out tens of thousands of dollars before the baby arrives unless they're decorating a nursery or buying a new car.
Is infertility messed up or what?
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4 comments:
oh my gosh chickie, i'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's the same shit we've been pondering. It sucks big ones. We should talk sometime.... not this week though.. i'm away for another week. sigh.
It is so unfair that infertility makes us feel like we're "buying a child." My husband and I have this separate savings bank account that we call our IVF account. It's money we put aside for either IUIs, IVF, and maybe even a future IVF which we'll have to do all over again if we want a second child (I know it's crazy to think that far in the future, but it's good to know reality I guess). I am so sorry that you even have to faced with this crap. I thought your concept of adopting siblings was a really beautiful one. I had contacted two adoption agencies while we were doing our IVF cycle and that topic came up between my husband and I. He was VERY interested in adopting international siblings for all the reasons you mentioned. It wasn't something I initially had thought about, but it really drew my attention. You are going to be a great mom whatever path you travel down. Both my brother and sister are adopted, and it is a beautiful gift to give a child. Then my husband and I did IVF. So between my parents and us we have the IVF/adoption thing covered, LOL! Sorry, sometimes I have to joke because otherwise I feel overwhelmed at times. Hope you're having a good weekend. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers sweeetie!
You're so right - it's terrible that IF causes such financial hardships to accomplish what drunken teenagers seem to be able to do for free in the backseat.
OMG it sucks! I have had that adoption $$$ talk too. For what you pay for infertility treatments you could buy an entire nursery suite! I hate how preggos don't even have to pay a cent for getting preggo.
www.angryinfertile.blogspot.com
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