I am so unbelievably sad today. It's finally happened, my best friend is pregnant. I'm happy for her and her husband, they're great but I am just heart broken for me and M.
This is not how it was supposed to happen. She didn't even want to get pregnant yet, they weren't really truly trying... just not preventing. She doesn't have regular cycles so she was suprised when the test came out positive and she cried...to me.
I seriously don't know how I'm going to handle this. I can't sleep or eat I'm so upset. I just keep thinking that our friendship of 20 years is going to be so different now with nothing in common.
Oh yeah, I met my SILs baby daughter today too. I couldn't hold her which I'm sure pissed everyone off, but I could barely keep my shit together to get through dinner.
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About Me
- Stephanie
- I'm 31 years old and married to a wonderful man, M. We've been trying to start a family but it's just not happening. I'm beginning to wonder if it ever will and whether we'll be okay with that.
TTC History
- 11/05-11/06 Trying
- 12/06 Clomid 50mg
- 1/07 Clomid 100mg
- 2/07 Clomid 100mg
- 3/07 Clomid, Ovidril, IUI, Prometrium
- 3/07 Laparoscopy -Endometriosis/Polyps confirmed
- 4/07 Femara 5mg, Ovidril, IUI, Prometrium
- 5/07 Femara 5mg, Ovidril, IUI, Prometrium
- 6/07 Femara 5mg, Ovidril, IUI, Prometrium
- 6/07 BCP Time out, cyst found
- 7/07 Femara 5mg, Ovidril, IUI, Prometrium
- 8/07 Endometrial lining too thick Provera started
- 8/07 PIO given to start period
- 9/07 BCP Time out, cyst found
- 10/07 Femara 5mg, Ovidril, IUI, Prometrium, Acupuncture
- 11/07 Endometrial Biopsy
- 11/07-1/08 Acupuncture and Herbs -trying the old fasioned way
- 3/08 (mini-stim) IVF #1 Started and Canceled due to poor response - Low Ovarian Reserve a possibility
- 1/09 Consultation with clinic in NY
- 3/09 Saline Sonohysterogram -Polyps found (again)
- 4/09 Polypectomy
- 4/09 IVF #2 Poor Response/LOR -2 transferred!
- 5/09 BFP!!! and then BFN aka Chemical Pregnancy
- 1/10 Unfulfilled Due Date
6 comments:
Stephanie, I'm so sorry. It always breaks my heart to read posts like this. I know all too well what you're feeling right now. You've heard me rant about living in the same house with my 17-year old sister when she got pregnant near the end of my second year of trying. If you ever want to talk about it more, I'm here.
Thanks Kym,
Its so nice to know that some one else understands. I do love my friend, and want her to be happy.
I just feel like I'm really getting left behind now. She is one of my few IRL friends that I can talk to about this and that's probably going to change now.
I'm sorry it's so hard for you. I know what it's like to be happy for friends and sad for yourself. However, for the record, those who say they aren't trying but use no protection are fooling themselves. They're trying. If they weren't why not use protection. Anyway, my 2 cents. Hope it gets better for you.
Pam,
You are right, technically. I agree that anyone not using protection knows that pregnancy is a possibility but that doesn't mean someone is "trying" if they don't use protection.
She honestly didn't think she was able to get pregnant with her cycles being so messed up so it came as a shock to everyone.
Stephanie I am so sorry for your pain. Have you ever thought about seeing a counselor? I just get the impression that you are so unhappy and I don't want to see you go through life like this. Maybe talking to someone professionally would help. Just a suggestion, shoot me if you think I'm crazy for suggesting it. Hugs.
Soapchick, you are very right to suggest counseling. I actually started to look into it yesterday. I'm going to see if our insurance covers anything, but if it doesn't I might not be able to afford that and save for treatments. :(
I'm feeling a lot better since Sunday/Monday's black hole. Thanks for the concern, I really appreciate all of you ladies looking out for me!
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