Thursday, June 19, 2008

Husband/SIL Problems

M and I had a long talk about everything last night. Hopefully we've cleared the air a little and resolved some issues -maybe. He apologized for being sneaky about talking to his sister regarding our IF issues. Clearly he didn't go about it the right way and hopefully it won't happen again. He says it won't anyway.

M is (normally) a very straightforward and honest guy, that's one of the things I love about him. Unfortunately his family is not, they have a bad habit of lying when it suits them. M is one of the few that doesn't seem to have this trait... except when it comes to his sister. She can get him to do things he normally wouldn't, in the past she's used this super-power against me which turns me into a big mess of rage and anger. M of course always feels bad, but he also forgives her easily, so somehow we end up back where we started.

I hate the idea that I make him feel like he has to lie to cover up his relationship with her. Last night I made it clear that I prefer the truth, no matter how painful. So he's got to man up and deal with this honestly.

M of course points out that if his sister and I would just get along he wouldn't be in this position. I counter that I've tried to get along with her many times in the past 10 years and she has continuously made it difficult with her selfishness.* I don't even know how to deal with that sort of thing except to not deal with it.

He's not going stop talking to her (no matter how much I love the idea) so I have to accept that she's always going to be in his/our lives to some extent. Bleh. I really don't know how to make this easier on him and myself. Suggestions are welcome!

*I realize that M's sister is not the guilty party in this situation, I'm mad at M...but I still have to figure out how to get along with her.


sara said...

I just caught up from your last post from yesterday. Yikes, that sounds like a tricky situation! I'm so sorry that his side of the family can be additional source of frustration. It almost makes me glad that my husband is an only child. I hope you work out stuff soon. I wish I had some better advice for you, but I guess just try to keep being really up front with your husband about how you feel about things and hopefully that will help things. Hugs to you in the meantime!

Barb said...

She is going to be in his life no matter what, and you do have to accept that. However, he needs to accept then that you have problems with her. Ya know?

I'm so sorry sweetie.

soapchick said...

I'm glad you and your hubby talked. Family issues are tough, but keeping the communication open between you and your spouse is the important thing. I don't really like my sister-in-law either, but I tolerate her. Hang in there and may your time with her go by super fast!

Stephanie said...

Thanks everyone, I appreciate you're encouragement, it means alot to have your support. M and I talked some more tonight, and he really does understand why I'm so upset.

I hope I didn't make him out to be awful, he really is a nice guy, it's just a horrible situation. Something I don't need to explain to you wonderful ladies!