Hi everyone who reads this!
I know... I've disappeared for a while. Everything is just fine, thanks for your concern Kymberli. I haven't been all that active with the blogs, but I do check in, even if I don't comment as often.
I haven't posted mainly because I don't have much to report. I feel like I'm not an active member of the IF club right now...and not because I've been blessed with a miracle. I'm certainly not pregnant! It's just that I've completely abandoned all treatment, there's really nothing to be done until the money is scraped together for a Big IVF.
I did call several of the Drs. in NY to discuss consultations, but decided there's really no rush at the moment. We were thinking of flying up the week of July 4th with friends and squeezing in some face time with Cornell and NYU but with the cost of travel being so high we've decided to wait until we're a little closer to actually doing the IVF thing. Hopefully flights will be a bit more reasonable by then -ha!
In case you're wondering, we still sort of "try" each month, I can't help but know where I am in any given cycle but I've basically given up. There's no longer a forced 4-5 day sex marathon focused around cd14. See, I told you I'm not an active member of the IF club right now, I don't even have any OPK's in the house! Instead we are having a -gasp!- normal sex life. :) It has been very liberating to not expect anything during the 2ww.
I've decided to not let the (2%) possibility of a pregnancy stop me from living a normal life right now. Loosely translated: if I want a drink, I have one, if I want to go out with friends and really drink, I do. No more sitting at home or being so damn responsible! I'm going to enjoy this summer.
This new found freedom makes me feel young again. Not that I'm old, but it's been a lot of work trying to make every cycle perfect and I feel like I've missed out on a lot because of it. I don't know how long this change will last. It's as if I've been replaced by a slightly more immature selfish version of myself -and I like it.
4 comments:
Welcome back, and thanks for the words of encouragement :-) Good for you for living your life and letting some things go a little bit (like how some people are obsessed over not drinking at all for their childbearing years.) Hope you're having a good week :-)
Enjoy your freedom, and new found feeling of youth! Enjoy the drinks. In fact since it's 92 degrees today in Michigan and my husband does not have the air on in the house, as soon as I'm done working in about one hour I'm going open the fridge and take out a nice cold beer! Do check in once in a while even if it's to tell us how your summer is going and what you did for the weekend! Half of my posts lately are not about baby making!
Thanks for your support. There is still a chance, albeit a small one.
I'm truly glad that you're enjoying some time just being you right now! I hope that when you're ready to make the next steps, you're well rested and ready to go!
aah I'm so glad. :) it does feel liberating doesn't it? I just shudder to think what's going to happen when we eventually start trying again. :( I would like a consultation with someone else too, but just am not sure what to do.
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