Saturday, May 9, 2009

Going Craaaazyyyy

Today is 4dp 3dt aka day 7. It's my understanding that if implantation is to take place, it will happen about now. Are my embryos still alive? I have no idea.

I was doing well, until now. I have one week left until the beta and I don't know if I'll make it. Not that I have a choice, but the crazy thoughts are taking over. It's all I can think about, especially when I'm in between waking and sleep. Not fun.

I swing wildly from 'this couldn't possibly work, it's me after all' to 'I deserve this to work, and it will work'.

I'm at my parents house now, I just drove down with M from NY Thursday night. He went on down to FL without me and I will fly down on Monday. Roxy also went home with him too :) I know M doesn't love her, but I do.

So back to the crazy...I'm wrestling with the idea of POS to test out the HCG. I probably need to do that ASAP so I'll know what's going on should a + make an appearance, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not.

I'm thinking of ordering some tests online and having them shipped to my house in FL so I can test when I get back, but that wouldn't be until 7dp 3dt so I'll need to buy some at the drug store here.

Oh the craziness. I can't wait until I know one way or the other. I'm trying to prepare for bad news, that is the most likely outcome. Really.


Barb said...

I so totally understand the crazy. I think if testing it out is going to make you more obsessed and unhappy, then don't. If it will make you feel less crazy, then do. :)

Soapchick said...

I know Stephanie, it's got to be driving you mad, but just take it an hour at a time, a day at a time. D day will be here before you know it! Just breathe!

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you!!!! I am a pee'r so I am just sending nice calming vibes and prayers your way!!

P.S. If you have peed. My stats are...with my trips + at 4dp5dt, with Mark(surro baby 1) 6dp5dt and with Luke(surro baby 2) not until 8dp5dt. So you have LOTS and LOTS of time. ((Hugs))!! Hope you have a great flight!