I was poking around in my fridge today and decided to have a peak at my stash sitting in the deli drawer. I opened up the Ziploc bag where my Follistim has been chillin' and looked over the expiration date. To my horror, the 600 IU pack expires this month!!!
So...that means I'm giving away a 600 IU cartridge of Follistim to anyone who wants to claim it. Please realize that the expiration is 1/2009 so I recommend that you use it ASAP, if you're cycling now this is for you! I live in Orlando, Fl, the closer you are to me, the better! Put the word out :)
Please let me know by this Friday, as I am heading out of town to visit family.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Getting Back on the Horse
Okay, so I haven't kept my New Years resolution to blog frequently. I'll try to post at least once a week, that seems like a reasonable goal. :)
I guess it's mostly that my life isn't very interesting these days. I'm not sure that it ever was, but at least I had IF treatment to share. Since I haven't been to the RE since about May 2008 I haven't had much to blog about.
My job prospects aren't looking any better, the company that I was going to interview with has layed off a majority of their employees, so I'm not expecting an interview anytime soon. I've come to basically accept that I'm going to be (very) underemployed for probably the next year or so. Maybe longer if Obama goes through with the "bail out"/government expansion.
Hopefully M and I will be able to survive reasonably well on our 1 and a 1/4 salaries until things turn around. It really makes me wonder if it's irresponsible to keep trying to build a family with the state of the economy as it is. M doesn't want that to stop us, and I think he's probably right. It will eventually pass and we will be okay.
So I guess I should share how we would proceed with the IF situation, seeing as how we aren't exactly rolling in $. M finally announced what everyone in his family has been gossiping about for some time. He told his grandparents (and everyone else) that we will probably need to do IVF to have children. Gasp!
His grandparents have generously offered to spot us the obscene amount of money required for said IVF. They want more great-grandchildren, especially from their only grandson that could carry on their name. No pressure or anything.
That said, we *might* try this spring sometime. I'm still somewhat ambivilant about the whole thing. I'm slightly excited, but mostly apprehensive about what it all means. I hate that his family is now so involved. I don't know if they'll be chill about it, or expect a play by play. If it fails, I'll probably feel horribly guilty. Both for letting them down (again) in the baby making department, but also if we waste their money on an unsuccessful attempt. That would just plain suck.
I've basically taken a somewhat detatched position on this for now. I'm letting M do most of the decision making. I hate that when we fight about things, it's usually about the stupid decisions I've made and how he would have made the "right" decision (like buying a house sooner or choosing a different neighborhood, or not adopting the dog we did, etc).
So...he feels like this is the thing to do, and I don't want to hear how I made the wrong decision by not doing IVF now when we have the option. Also, he doesn't want to use the Drs. in Orlando, so again, I'm not going to fight it, I'll go to NY and see the Dr. he chooses. It's his turn to be in charge of this, so I'm going with the flow.
I guess it's mostly that my life isn't very interesting these days. I'm not sure that it ever was, but at least I had IF treatment to share. Since I haven't been to the RE since about May 2008 I haven't had much to blog about.
My job prospects aren't looking any better, the company that I was going to interview with has layed off a majority of their employees, so I'm not expecting an interview anytime soon. I've come to basically accept that I'm going to be (very) underemployed for probably the next year or so. Maybe longer if Obama goes through with the "bail out"/government expansion.
Hopefully M and I will be able to survive reasonably well on our 1 and a 1/4 salaries until things turn around. It really makes me wonder if it's irresponsible to keep trying to build a family with the state of the economy as it is. M doesn't want that to stop us, and I think he's probably right. It will eventually pass and we will be okay.
So I guess I should share how we would proceed with the IF situation, seeing as how we aren't exactly rolling in $. M finally announced what everyone in his family has been gossiping about for some time. He told his grandparents (and everyone else) that we will probably need to do IVF to have children. Gasp!
His grandparents have generously offered to spot us the obscene amount of money required for said IVF. They want more great-grandchildren, especially from their only grandson that could carry on their name. No pressure or anything.
That said, we *might* try this spring sometime. I'm still somewhat ambivilant about the whole thing. I'm slightly excited, but mostly apprehensive about what it all means. I hate that his family is now so involved. I don't know if they'll be chill about it, or expect a play by play. If it fails, I'll probably feel horribly guilty. Both for letting them down (again) in the baby making department, but also if we waste their money on an unsuccessful attempt. That would just plain suck.
I've basically taken a somewhat detatched position on this for now. I'm letting M do most of the decision making. I hate that when we fight about things, it's usually about the stupid decisions I've made and how he would have made the "right" decision (like buying a house sooner or choosing a different neighborhood, or not adopting the dog we did, etc).
So...he feels like this is the thing to do, and I don't want to hear how I made the wrong decision by not doing IVF now when we have the option. Also, he doesn't want to use the Drs. in Orlando, so again, I'm not going to fight it, I'll go to NY and see the Dr. he chooses. It's his turn to be in charge of this, so I'm going with the flow.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Hello 2009!
Happy New Year to everyone out there in blog land. I know I've been missing for quite some time, sorry about that. So for a New Year's resolution, I'm going to try to return to blogging with some frequency again.
I'm also going to try to have a better outlook on things. I've allowed some of the situations outside of my control really affect the way I see myself, and not for the better. Namely the best-friend saga. Nothing more has come of that and it really pisses me off. It's too late, even if she decides to apologize etc. the friendship has been ruined. So...I'm going to let it go and move on.
Happily, I am filling that void. It's not easily done of course, but I've become closer with some friends in Orlando, and I've met some new friends through M. One is even a former IF so she gets it. What a relief to hang with someone who does. BTW, Barb, we should try to get together sometime ;)
The holidays have been good, M has had some time off from work and it's been wonderful to hang out with him. Last night was fun, we went to two parties and have been recovering on our sofa all day. I made our traditional New Years dinner, collard greens, blackeyed peas, and pulled pork. I guess our time in Savannah has made an impression lol.
I'm really hoping that 2009 is an improvement on 2008. I can honestly say that 2008 was probably my worst year ever.
I'm not sure what to expect in the way of IF. I've come to the realization that I'm not going to spontaneously become pregnant, so there is no longer any hopefulness each month. There is a strange relieft that comes with that, so it's not entirely bad.
That said, M still wants to have a go with IVF. I don't really know how I feel about that. Part of me still likes the idea of trying and having a baby. The other part of me doesn't want to deal with the rollercoaster and probable dark place that I will end up in. I really don't have too much confidence in my body's ability to get pregnant anymore.
Even though it could really suck, I'm willing to do it. I want to satisfy my curiosity and give it a chance, because you never know. But mostly I want to do it for M. He wants this so badly and thinks it will work. I can't deny him this after the last three years of trying.
Well...this has been a random post, not my most cohesive, but you'll have to forgive me as I'm very rusty. I promise to get better...I'm already feeling better as I'm typing this. :)
Talk to you all soon.
I'm also going to try to have a better outlook on things. I've allowed some of the situations outside of my control really affect the way I see myself, and not for the better. Namely the best-friend saga. Nothing more has come of that and it really pisses me off. It's too late, even if she decides to apologize etc. the friendship has been ruined. So...I'm going to let it go and move on.
Happily, I am filling that void. It's not easily done of course, but I've become closer with some friends in Orlando, and I've met some new friends through M. One is even a former IF so she gets it. What a relief to hang with someone who does. BTW, Barb, we should try to get together sometime ;)
The holidays have been good, M has had some time off from work and it's been wonderful to hang out with him. Last night was fun, we went to two parties and have been recovering on our sofa all day. I made our traditional New Years dinner, collard greens, blackeyed peas, and pulled pork. I guess our time in Savannah has made an impression lol.
I'm really hoping that 2009 is an improvement on 2008. I can honestly say that 2008 was probably my worst year ever.
I'm not sure what to expect in the way of IF. I've come to the realization that I'm not going to spontaneously become pregnant, so there is no longer any hopefulness each month. There is a strange relieft that comes with that, so it's not entirely bad.
That said, M still wants to have a go with IVF. I don't really know how I feel about that. Part of me still likes the idea of trying and having a baby. The other part of me doesn't want to deal with the rollercoaster and probable dark place that I will end up in. I really don't have too much confidence in my body's ability to get pregnant anymore.
Even though it could really suck, I'm willing to do it. I want to satisfy my curiosity and give it a chance, because you never know. But mostly I want to do it for M. He wants this so badly and thinks it will work. I can't deny him this after the last three years of trying.
Well...this has been a random post, not my most cohesive, but you'll have to forgive me as I'm very rusty. I promise to get better...I'm already feeling better as I'm typing this. :)
Talk to you all soon.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Time Out
Hi Everyone!
I'm just checking in to let you all know that I'm alive and reasonably well. Sorry to leave you hanging for so long.
Things have not been so great lately. It's one thing to chronicle the ups and downs of trying, but I don't want to bring everyone down with regular updates of my slightly off track life right now.
Just so you don't get the wrong idea, I'm fine. It's just that I'm having trouble finding a decent job and it's looking gloomier as the economy continues to weaken. Not fun. I had an interview scheduled twice for a great position, and they canceled twice due to the financial craziness going on right now. :( Hopefully the position will open up soon...maybe the markets will settle after the election?!
Also, one of my uncles that I grew up with (we're close in age) is losing his battle with cancer. I've been up to Maryland twice recently to spend time with him while I still can and to be with my family. This really puts my problems in perspective. I can't even imagine.
And to round it all out... This month marks our 3 year anniversary of trying. Yay for me and M! I recently realized that I started trying shortly before my former bestfriend got engaged to her husband. You know, the one who's pregnant now. I try not to think about that whole situation much, but I often replay the whole ugly scene in my dreams. I guess it's bothering me more than I'd like to admit.
On the bright side, M and I are doing very well, I have my health, a nice home, and a wonderful family. Hopefully I'll have a meaningful job again soon.
Needless to say, until I can get my life back on track I don't have the luxury of worrying about getting knocked up. I don't plan on pursuing more treatments or adoption for some time.
I hope everyone out there is doing well! I'll still be lurking around and I'll probably surface now and again.
Go McCain-Palin! (I know I'm the minority in blog land -hopefully not in the U.S. though)
I'm just checking in to let you all know that I'm alive and reasonably well. Sorry to leave you hanging for so long.
Things have not been so great lately. It's one thing to chronicle the ups and downs of trying, but I don't want to bring everyone down with regular updates of my slightly off track life right now.
Just so you don't get the wrong idea, I'm fine. It's just that I'm having trouble finding a decent job and it's looking gloomier as the economy continues to weaken. Not fun. I had an interview scheduled twice for a great position, and they canceled twice due to the financial craziness going on right now. :( Hopefully the position will open up soon...maybe the markets will settle after the election?!
Also, one of my uncles that I grew up with (we're close in age) is losing his battle with cancer. I've been up to Maryland twice recently to spend time with him while I still can and to be with my family. This really puts my problems in perspective. I can't even imagine.
And to round it all out... This month marks our 3 year anniversary of trying. Yay for me and M! I recently realized that I started trying shortly before my former bestfriend got engaged to her husband. You know, the one who's pregnant now. I try not to think about that whole situation much, but I often replay the whole ugly scene in my dreams. I guess it's bothering me more than I'd like to admit.
On the bright side, M and I are doing very well, I have my health, a nice home, and a wonderful family. Hopefully I'll have a meaningful job again soon.
Needless to say, until I can get my life back on track I don't have the luxury of worrying about getting knocked up. I don't plan on pursuing more treatments or adoption for some time.
I hope everyone out there is doing well! I'll still be lurking around and I'll probably surface now and again.
Go McCain-Palin! (I know I'm the minority in blog land -hopefully not in the U.S. though)
Friday, September 5, 2008
Fun Names
I shamelessly stole this from Kym at I'm a Smart One who shamelessly stole it from Calliope.
Good fun, thanks Kym & Calliope!
1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car): Flower Elantra
2.Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Coffee Sandle
3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal): Green Turtle
4.Your soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born): Marie Hagerstown
5.Your Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Bolst
6.Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Blue Juice
7.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers): Ronald Paul
8.Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Happy Chocolate
9.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Minnick Miami
10.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Summer Orchid
11.Cartoon name:(favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Mango Pants
12.Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Plum Oak
13.Movie star name (first pet, first street where you lived): Flower Salem
Good fun, thanks Kym & Calliope!
1.Your rock star name (first pet, current car): Flower Elantra
2.Your gangsta name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe): Coffee Sandle
3.Your Native American name (favorite color, favorite animal): Green Turtle
4.Your soap opera name (middle name, city where you were born): Marie Hagerstown
5.Your Star Wars name (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Bolst
6.Superhero name (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Blue Juice
7.NASCAR name (the first names of your grandfathers): Ronald Paul
8.Dancer name (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Happy Chocolate
9.TV weather anchor name (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Minnick Miami
10.Spy name (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Summer Orchid
11.Cartoon name:(favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Mango Pants
12.Hippie name (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree): Plum Oak
13.Movie star name (first pet, first street where you lived): Flower Salem
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Signed and Ready to Send
Hi everyone,
Thanks so much for the comments on my last post. I appreciate your advice, especially in regards to only going as far as I feel comfortable with. I'm not exactly sure what that is yet, but I know it doesn't involve calling her up right now.
So I went with option D, or at least that's the plan. I wrote a little something in the card along the lines of "how are you and DH, I heard things are going well, I'm so happy to hear that..." I also offered to share some pregnancy books I purchased for myself (back before my infertility became obvious) if she's interested.
So, here's the hiccup. I don't have her new address! She moved to a new place, but I don't know what I did with her street address, although she gave it to me once upon a time.
I guess I'm going to have to call her sister up and get it that way, 'cause otherwise I'm either throwing in the towel or going the e-mail route.
I'm not really worrying over this too much, but I do want to be careful. I'd hate to lose a friendship over carelessness on my part. I want to know that I did everything I could or should to smooth things over.
Thanks again to my loyal friends in the blogosphere!
P.S. My trip out of town was postponed to next week, but I'm not holding my breath. Especially with Ike churning it's way in our general direction.
Thanks so much for the comments on my last post. I appreciate your advice, especially in regards to only going as far as I feel comfortable with. I'm not exactly sure what that is yet, but I know it doesn't involve calling her up right now.
So I went with option D, or at least that's the plan. I wrote a little something in the card along the lines of "how are you and DH, I heard things are going well, I'm so happy to hear that..." I also offered to share some pregnancy books I purchased for myself (back before my infertility became obvious) if she's interested.
So, here's the hiccup. I don't have her new address! She moved to a new place, but I don't know what I did with her street address, although she gave it to me once upon a time.
I guess I'm going to have to call her sister up and get it that way, 'cause otherwise I'm either throwing in the towel or going the e-mail route.
I'm not really worrying over this too much, but I do want to be careful. I'd hate to lose a friendship over carelessness on my part. I want to know that I did everything I could or should to smooth things over.
Thanks again to my loyal friends in the blogosphere!
P.S. My trip out of town was postponed to next week, but I'm not holding my breath. Especially with Ike churning it's way in our general direction.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Should I Bother?
Not much has happened with the best friend-turned-pregnant-non-friend saga. The only contact I’ve had with BF was receiving a brief happy b-day e-mail back in July which I responded to with an equally brief thank you and best wishes email.
I don’t really socialize with BF’s sister much, but we occasionally have reason to see one another. She stopped by last week to pick up some of our leftover wiring for her kitchen remodel and we chatted for a bit.
Out of some sort of politeness/self torture, I asked about BF. I didn’t really expect it to be so hard hearing about how happy BF and her husband are now and how she’s showing already and will be finding out the sex of the baby soon.
I know it’s always going to be difficult to hear stuff like that, but it’s harder knowing that so much is going on in her life and I’m no longer privy to it first-hand. I know it can't be fun dealing with a frustrated infertile friend, but to be rudely dismissed from her life now that it’s not so convenient is a hard pill to swallow. I always thought that good friendships weathered the tough times.
I’ve often wondered if it wasn’t just the pregnancy hormones leading BF to be so insensitive and quick to withdraw, and now that she’s hopefully leveled out, she’s just too embarrassed to deal with the situation. Or…she’s not who I thought she was and I’m better off without her.
I would like it to be the former and have things back to normal. We've know each other for more than half our lives and been good friends for the last 10+ years. But in all honesty, it’s not like we talked every day or even every week. So her absence from my life isn’t all that acute. It’s more like the idea of her absence is more painful. Kind of sad, but true.
I’m still pretty pissed that this happened in the first place. One part of me doesn't want to be the bigger person, I just want to put this behind me and write her off. I feel like I'm already on the losing end of this debacle anyway. At least she gets a baby at the end to fill the void of a former friendship. What do I get? But... I feel like I should make some sort of attempt at reconciliation, because that’s what I’m supposed to do. Know what I mean?
Which brings me around to the same question I had before, do I try to fix this or leave it alone?
Her b-day is in about a week, so I have to decide soon *IF* I want to contact her or not. I'm still pretty angry, so it might not be an easy road, especially if I have to do all of the work.
As I see it, I have several options *IF* I do want to make an attempt.
Option A: Treat her birthday as she did mine and e-mail her. It takes minimal effort and has minimal impact as far as our “friendship” goes.
Option B: E-mail her a happy b-day and go a little further by inquiring after her health, goings on, husband, etc. -Carefully staying away from any hostile accusations and hurtfulness.
Option C: Send an actual card to her house. Also rather safe, but it does have a little extra thoughtfulness. (I’ve already bought a very benign card, not the usual Shoebox-snarky- best friend-card ‘cause we’re not there anymore)
Option D: Similar to option B, sending the card and including a hand written note to break the ice and offer her an excuse to contact me if that’s what she’s waiting on.
Option E: Of course the riskiest of all and least likely to happen, phoning her up on her b-day for an actual chat. This would take extreme amounts of courage (possibly liquid, ha-ha) on my part as I would have to remain composed in regards to our friendship meltdown AND the pregnancy, assuming that she could bring her-self to speak to a lowly infertile such as myself.
What do you say? You guys give great advice and I’m in need of some discourse that isn’t solely taking place in my neurotic head. ;)
P.S. I’m out of town this week, so I don’t know how often I’ll be able to check in, but I’ll do my best!
I don’t really socialize with BF’s sister much, but we occasionally have reason to see one another. She stopped by last week to pick up some of our leftover wiring for her kitchen remodel and we chatted for a bit.
Out of some sort of politeness/self torture, I asked about BF. I didn’t really expect it to be so hard hearing about how happy BF and her husband are now and how she’s showing already and will be finding out the sex of the baby soon.
I know it’s always going to be difficult to hear stuff like that, but it’s harder knowing that so much is going on in her life and I’m no longer privy to it first-hand. I know it can't be fun dealing with a frustrated infertile friend, but to be rudely dismissed from her life now that it’s not so convenient is a hard pill to swallow. I always thought that good friendships weathered the tough times.
I’ve often wondered if it wasn’t just the pregnancy hormones leading BF to be so insensitive and quick to withdraw, and now that she’s hopefully leveled out, she’s just too embarrassed to deal with the situation. Or…she’s not who I thought she was and I’m better off without her.
I would like it to be the former and have things back to normal. We've know each other for more than half our lives and been good friends for the last 10+ years. But in all honesty, it’s not like we talked every day or even every week. So her absence from my life isn’t all that acute. It’s more like the idea of her absence is more painful. Kind of sad, but true.
I’m still pretty pissed that this happened in the first place. One part of me doesn't want to be the bigger person, I just want to put this behind me and write her off. I feel like I'm already on the losing end of this debacle anyway. At least she gets a baby at the end to fill the void of a former friendship. What do I get? But... I feel like I should make some sort of attempt at reconciliation, because that’s what I’m supposed to do. Know what I mean?
Which brings me around to the same question I had before, do I try to fix this or leave it alone?
Her b-day is in about a week, so I have to decide soon *IF* I want to contact her or not. I'm still pretty angry, so it might not be an easy road, especially if I have to do all of the work.
As I see it, I have several options *IF* I do want to make an attempt.
Option A: Treat her birthday as she did mine and e-mail her. It takes minimal effort and has minimal impact as far as our “friendship” goes.
Option B: E-mail her a happy b-day and go a little further by inquiring after her health, goings on, husband, etc. -Carefully staying away from any hostile accusations and hurtfulness.
Option C: Send an actual card to her house. Also rather safe, but it does have a little extra thoughtfulness. (I’ve already bought a very benign card, not the usual Shoebox-snarky- best friend-card ‘cause we’re not there anymore)
Option D: Similar to option B, sending the card and including a hand written note to break the ice and offer her an excuse to contact me if that’s what she’s waiting on.
Option E: Of course the riskiest of all and least likely to happen, phoning her up on her b-day for an actual chat. This would take extreme amounts of courage (possibly liquid, ha-ha) on my part as I would have to remain composed in regards to our friendship meltdown AND the pregnancy, assuming that she could bring her-self to speak to a lowly infertile such as myself.
What do you say? You guys give great advice and I’m in need of some discourse that isn’t solely taking place in my neurotic head. ;)
P.S. I’m out of town this week, so I don’t know how often I’ll be able to check in, but I’ll do my best!
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