Scheduling Conflict

I just spoke with my IVF coordinator, Kim in NY today. I woke up this morning with some spotting, so AF is just around the corner. I wanted to let her know, and find out about getting my bcp prescription and discuss protocol/timeline.

According to the information they sent in the mail, I would be on bcp anywhere from 14-28 days. I've always had it in my head that I'd take it for the full 28 and then begin stims. Well today, she said I'd take it for 10 days!!!

Whoa, 10 days is not long at all, I could possibly be stimming in 14-16 days if we stick to that time line. I'm all for getting things overwith, but this could cause some unexpected scheduling conflicts.

I'm going to stay with friends in NY for most of the monitoring and probably stay at a hotel with M when he comes up for the retrieval. I'm sure everything will work out fine with that, no biggie, I just wasn't planning to go to NY in March.

The most troublesome is this would put me out of town during the time I'm to sit for my Interior Design license. If the test was offered more often, I'd just take it the next time, but it only comes around twice a year. So if I don't sit for it in April, I won't be able to take it again until October. Not to mention that I've already put in over $700 to take it and I won't get a full refund if I reschedule.

I'm waiting for Kim to call me back, she said she'd set up the schedule and give me the info for my meds. I hope it's not a big deal, but I'm going to ask her if I can stay on bcp for 25 days so that I can take the test.

I'd hate to postpone IVF another month, I'm ready to get this over with now!!!

Simplified Goodbye

Thanks for listening to me rant about that mess. It's amazing what posting here does to give some perspective. Of course it's even more amazing to get feedback, something that is very appreciated in situations like this. You have helped me more than you know.

Taking into consideration your comments, I re-wrote my letter to K. I took out all of the accusatory, angry bitchiness (it felt so good to write all of that down!) and simplified it to a simple goodbye.

K,

I hope this letter finds you, J and the baby well.

The sudden ending of our friendship was an outcome I never could have imagined, but I hope it has allowed you to find the true happiness and support you needed. I want to let you know that I hope you find peace with the situation if you haven’t already.

I wish you, J and the baby a wonderful and happy life together.

Goodbye.

-Stephanie

But in all honesty, I'm not sure I need to send it after all. I might, just because I do want to return a few of her items that are in my possesion. So, do you think this letter is the better way to go?


BTW, I've been blogging a year now! Woohoo.

I can't believe it's March already!!! Just a few more weeks to go.

Friendship Closure?

Okay, I have a question for you ladies out there. You remember the best friend saga. Well, it's been bothering me for quite some time and I want to put it behind me. I'm just not sure if it's selfish on my part to contact her and officially say goodbye, but I'm seriously considering it.

If I do, I plan on sending her a letter (see below), congratulatory baby card, a small baby gift and call it done.


K,

When you said “I need to surround myself with real happiness right now” I didn’t think you would just drop a long time friend. I’m not sure the real reason, but I have a few theories...

Perhaps you feel embarrased about what happened and don’t know how to talk to me?

Perhaps you are angry that I couldn’t completely ignore my own feelings of “desperation” as you call them and pretend that your poorly delivered news was the best day ever?

Perhaps you just don’t want my infertility to taint your pregnancy and you don’t want to have to consider someone else’s feelings?

Whichever it is, all though I am curious, it’s more or less destroyed what friendship we had. I don’t really get why you would feel the need to go this route, I made it clear that I am happy for you and J and that I wasn’t asking for this dramatic severing of a friendship. I just wanted some consideration during a difficult time in my life, just as you deserve support (even if it couldn't always be from me) during an exciting time in yours. But hey, whatever.

For what it’s worth, I’m trying to forgive you for what happened and let this all go so that I can move forward without too much emotional baggage. I hope you can do the same and that you J and the baby have a happy and healthy life together.

Since it appears that we won’t be getting together any time soon and I never got your new address, I figured dropping this off with J at work would be the best way to close this chapter. So here's the dish and fingernail polish you left at my house as well as the book I borrowed.

Good luck and best wishes!

Your old friend,

Stephanie

P.S. Not that you care, but it’s bothered me how you viewed my “time spent reading blogs and researching” as a negative. Thank God *I* blog and have the support of people who ‘get it’ in place to deal with situations like this! Maybe now that you are expecting you might see how valuable it is to do a little research and have friends who understand exactly what you’re going through?! Just saying.


So, what do you think? Selfish and obnoxious, or honest and deserved? I am still clearly hurt and angry, but maybe it's not right to share that with her? I would really like to have this behind me before starting IVF 2 next month and I think this *might* be the best way.

Because I would be dropping this off with her husband, I'd have him read the letter and make the call about giving it to her. I honestly don't want to upset her in anyway that would affect her health.

Sorry to bring this up time and again, but it's really been a difficult situation for me to resolve. I feel so much guilt for being the sucky infertile friend, but also so much anger that K wasn't able to handle this in a more mature manner.

Thanks for playing along. :)

Waiting and Fidgeting

Sighhhh...

I'm a nervous ball of energy about this upcoming cycle. I'm about half way through this month (so now would be the time for a hail mary pregnancy -LOL) which means I should start BCP in two weeks. The month of BCP's isn't very exciting, but I'm looking forward to doing something active again.

I've recieved all of my test results and everything is A-okay, so I'm good to go. I called the nurse in NY to request a prescription for M's blood work, and then we'll both be done.

We've filled out our paperwork that goes over the legal issues of IVF. Like if we want to store any extra embryos (yes), what we would do in the case of a divorce (I get the embryos), that we understand there are no guarantees (duh). Now we just need to have the paper work notarized and mail it back.

I almost forgot how it feels to cycle...wishing for time to speed up.


Thanks for all of your support!!!

All Clear

I just finished up with my first mammogram! For whatever reason, I thought that the stories of having your boobs smashed between a vice were exagerations. Um, no. It's a very accurate description. But for what it's worth, it was a nice change to need to undress from the waist up!

I'm sure you've guessed from the title, I'm breast-cancer free, and even more surpising, cyst free. Apparently I'm just "lumpy". :) I don't know how this lump went unnoticed for so many years? (by me or my Drs.), but it's nothing.

Yayyyyy!!!

So I guess I'm still on track for IVF to begin in a month.

On a very sucky note, my 16 year old cousin got his 16 year old girlfriend pregnant. My family just found out and of course everyone is in shock. I'm less upset for me and more upset for them. Clearly they've been stupid and don't have a clue. I'm hoping that adoption is strongly considered for ALL involved.

Bump in the Road

Thanks for your warm thoughts, it's much appreciated.

So there's a little bump...in my right breast. I went into the gyn-y yesterday for my yearly pap. The ARNP that I see was doing my breast exam and found a small lump so I'm off for my first mammogram/breast sonogram on Monday. Woohoo.

I'm not overly worried, the lump moves around, and cancerous lumps don't, or so I've read. I'm betting that it's a cyst and hoping it will go away on its own, perhaps after I start my period in a few days. I just hope this isn't something that will get in the way of the IVF.

On a more positive note, I had all of my blood work taken care of yesterday for the IVF, 8 vials worth! I'm happy to have that all out of the way now.

Now I just have to figure out where M should go for his blood work. I don't know if I should just call our GP or if I should call the NY RE and have orders sent so that he can just go to a lab.

Oh, and even better news, I don't need an HSG!!! I misunderstood the RE over the phone, he was saying that I need a saline-sonohysterogram. I thought it was odd that he would order and HSG for IVF, so this makes much more sense.

So far the NY RE and his staff have been great. I had a question after the consultation, so I called the office. I was just hoping a nurse could tell me if the RE had handled the next step or if I needed to get the ball rolling. She took the message and the actual RE called me back to say that balls are rolling! I was more than shocked, it was a simple question and most likely a nurse could've handled it.

I guess I should mention that M and I have made a decision about when to go forward with the IVF. We're going to wait a month, it just makes more sense than starting next week. So that puts our estimated start of BCP's in early March and if I make it to retrieval that would be mid April. Almost exactly a year after the first IVF.

I think that sums up the latest and greatest.

Sad For Me and My Family

My uncle and friend is gone, I just got back from his funeral. I don't even know how to feel, it doesn't seem real and I'm trying hard not to let it hit me all at once. I'm grateful that he isn't suffering any longer, but of course I want him back, alive and well. 37 is ridiculously young to die of a stupid, random disease.